Valentine’s Day is a day of love. A day of appreciating your partner. This Valentine’s Day, couples all around Berkley High are celebrating. Young love is abundant in our very own school. But who’s puppy love is the best? Which bond is the strongest? Which relationship is super hip? As all of these questions pile up, one thing is certain: it is time for the Battle of the Baes. A game in which couples are asked questions and have their answers judged by yours truly. Which couple will falter under pressure? And which couple will emerge victorious in the Battle of the Baes? Let the games commence!
Our first contestants are freshmen Emma Sove and Anthony Anderson. Will these love birds have what it takes to be the ultimate baes?

How long have you been dating?
Emma- About 3 months and 2 days.

How often do you argue with each other?
Anthony- All the time.

What was your last argument about?
Emma- I made him download an app I saw on TikTok but he kept freaking out because he couldn’t figure out how to use it.
Anthony-Some stupid app. It was this “Note it” app widget B.S. I could not figure out, so she was yelling at me about it.

Do you think that you are the best couple?
Anthony- Yeah
Emma – He thinks so. But it’s debatable.

In 15 years, if you were to have a child, what would you name it?
Anthony – Mathew maybe.
Emma- That’s my dad’s name!

What is a pet peeve that your partner does?
Anthony- Emma argues and talks too much.
Emma- He doesn’t listen. I always have to repeat myself.

After hearing Emma and Anthony’s responses, it seems as though these two lovies are very close with each other. While their compatibility seems to be high, will our next competitors, juniors Naomi Chimovitz and Iris Macaulay, have a stronger bond?

What are your Valentine’s Day plans?
Naomi- Half of the day is a breakfast date and the other half is a surprise I’m planning for Iris.

How long have you been dating?
Iris- Almost 2 and a half years.
Naomi- Since 2019.

How often do you argue with each other?
Naomi- We don’t fight about serious things often though we are 24/7 bickering about silly things.

What was your last argument about?
Iris- The existence of God. Wait, actually it was about what color to dye Naomi’s hair.

Do you think that you are the best couple?
Naomi- Yes.
Iris- No doubt.

If you were to have a child in 15 years, what would you name it?
Naomi- Hazel.

What is the most embarrassing thing that your partner has done in front of you?
Naomi- I failed to do a handstand at Iris’s house.
Iris- One time I threw up in front of Naomi.

What is a pet peeve that your partner does?
Naomi- They comment on my driving a lot and they don’t even have a license.
Iris- She does not park well.

After receiving those extremely wholesome answers from Iris and Naomi, it seems impossible that any couple can top their harmony. But sophomore Sophie Owens and junior Nate Jeup may triumph through the Battle of the Baes.

What are your Valentine’s Day plans?
Sophie- We are both really busy with sports so we are probably going to do something a week before.

How long have you been dating?
Nate- 7 months.

How often do you argue with each other?
Nate- Ummm.
Sophie- We don’t argue really.
Nate- Not often.
Sophie- We fight over little things, but nothing huge.

What was your last argument about?
Nate- Time management.
Sophie- Yeah that’s a big one. Time management.

Do you think that you are the best couple?
Nate- On the planet? Yes.
Sophie- Obviously.

If you were to have a child 15 years, what would you name it?

Nate- Ron.
Sophie- No, that’s my dad’s name.
Nate- Ron.
Sophie- No, we are not naming our child Ron.
Nate- Ok then Zeus.
Sophie- Zeus?

What is your most embarrassing thing that you have done in front of your partner?
Nate- Sometimes I’ll take a toot while doing squats.

Lastly, will our final competing couple, seniors Audrey Hambrick and Noah Cooper strive to succeed?

How long have you been dating?
Audrey- We have been dating on and off four times.
Noah- We are not dating.
Audrey- We have been on and off for a year and 6 months.
Noah- She thinks that we are dating, but we’re really not.

How often do you argue with each other?
Audrey- four times a day.
Noah- That’s pretty accurate.
Audrey- four or five times a day.
Noah- Probably.
Audrey- Like loosely.
Noah- Yup.

What was your last argument about?
Audrey- Whether or not Noah’s hockey team is going to states, which they are not.

Noah – She doesn’t support me. She just puts me down.

Do you think that you are the best couple?
Audrey and Noah- Yes. *said in unison*

If you were to have a child in 15 years, what would you name it?
Audrey- Curtis.
Noah- No, not Curtis.
Audrey- Audrey.
Noah- Probably Nancy. Named after her mom.

What is the most embarrassing thing that your partner has done in front of you?
Noah- Audrey was dancing like crazy and hit her head and almost needed to go to the hospital.
Audrey- I almost died!
Noah- Still embarrassing.
Audrey- He bet $200 and lost it all.

What is a pet peeve that your partner does?
Noah- She will be very passive aggressive.
Audrey- He says “LOL” when he’s mad.

Taken away by all of these thoughtful, compassionate answers, you may not be able to stop yourself from wondering, who is the best couple? With Anthony and Emma’s passion, Iris and Naomi’s close appreciation for each other, Nate and Sophie’s playful banter, and Noah and Audrey’s loving humor, it is hard to determine which relationship is better than the others. After significant deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that all four couples tied in the Battle of the Baes! All couples are unique, but what is certain is that all of these couples are full of love, and on Valentine’s Day, love is the only thing that matters.