*Please note that the following article is satire. Satire is the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices.

ATTENTION STUDENTS! In hopes to raise money to help build a skateboarding ramp to the senior doors, SVEC (Student Vaping Enthusiast Club) is hosting a vape sale in a bathroom near you on April 1st between 2nd and 5th period! While bake sales are an efficient way of raising money, SVEC has found a way to make even more cash. What does Berkley High love more than brownies and cupcakes? They love vapes! Ranging from a Gum Mint Puff Puff 200,000,000 to Blueberry Banana Diabolical Smoke Exhaustion, SVEC has got you covered.
For more information about the vape sale, senior Sebastion Hailer, president of SVEC, told us about his club’s entrepreneurial endeavors.
“When purchasing a vape through SVEC,” Hailer explains. “That money is going to support the young ambition of the school clubs at Berkley High. As president of SVEC, it is my responsibility and priority to get nicotine into the systems of my peers”.
After hearing Hailer’s inspiring words, the idea that many students at Berkley High School will be attending this event does not seem too far-fetched. On that note, sophomore Sylvia Apeorizer shares her opinions on this new way to raise money.
“Very rarely do I actually go to school,” Apeorizer starts. “but after hearing that SVEC is selling nic in the bathrooms, I will definitely be in class on the fourth. My mom never lets me go to the vape shop, but I’m sure she will have no objection taking me to school”.
With students like Sylvia Apeorizer sharing their excitement, it seems as though many are getting pumped for the vape sale. But will a vaping student’s opinion on this topic be different from a non vaper? To find out, senior Reece Perator shares her thoughts.
“I was trying to go to the bathroom during the second hour yesterday,” Perator tells us. “But all of the stalls were filled with kids vaping. They were hotboxing the bathroom so much that I had to leave in fear of second degree smoke. I thought that it was very suspicious that 20 kids were waiting in line to get in. I had to go so badly I had to run across Collidge highway to use the portapotty at the construction site of the old Farina’s banquet hall”.
Regardless of Perator’s outlook on the situation, students like Sylvia Apeorizer are showing that SVEC seems truly progressive. Who needs to go to actually attend class and learn when vapers have struck entrepreneurial gold in the bathroom stalls? Invest now, and you will be set with a major cash influx from lifelong customers that can never get enough– it’s almost a guarantee. With such aims from SVEC and the thrill students are experiencing in anticipation, the Vape Sale will most definitely be a big “hit”. With that in mind, do not forget to bring your $15 in cash to school, since on the 1st of April, the bathrooms will definitely be “buzzing”.