Christmas. Decorated trees, overflowing presents, hot chocolate; the epitome of happiness. The cozy and beautiful holiday is irresistible. So irresistible that although Christmas is celebrated on December 25th every year, this date is really a mere formality. The truth is, the second the clock hits 12:00 am on September 1st, Christmas has begun.
And while this is great for Christmas celebrators, it has detrimental effects on the mental health of the holidays whose months are taken over by Christmas jolly. Because let’s be honest, no one cares about September, October, and November. They are seen as merely countdown months, anticlimactic in nature. Who cares about Thanksgiving and Halloween? And what even are Yom Kippur and Hanukkah?
I wanted to see how the other fall holidays felt. So for the past 10 months I have been interviewing Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Han Ukkah, Thanks Giving, and Hallo Ween. The results were shocking, providing me with a deep dive into the real effects of Long-Christmas.
“Underappreciated, overlooked, misunderstood” Giving started, adding that “since the beginning of my time I have been dismissed and degraded, and Chris Tmas is the culprit. No one cares about being thankful anymore. All they care about is their presents under the tree.”
Thanks isn’t alone in his feelings. Rosh Hashanah had something similar to say. “At the end of the day, there is only one word to describe Chris. He’s a pick me. He needs all the attention, all the time.” Rosh feels slighted, because she is important, too. “I am literally the celebration of the Jewish New Year, but he doesn’t care! Chris is the biggest attention seeking- [censored] you have ever met.”
As a holiday celebrated by a small portion of people, Yom Kippur couldn’t agree more. He commented, “It’s just like, we get it Chris, you have the most amount of celebrators in the world and your reach is international. We get it. But come on, can’t even let us have a day? I mean I’m not a therapist and I hate diagnosing like this, but it’s giving textbook narcissism. And I mean, I get it. I’m not a super big deal, but I’ve been over at Hallo Ween’s house several nights this month, trying to cheer her up. She feels like no one cares about her! ”
After talking to Yom Kippur, I was desperate to talk to Hallo Ween and find out her opinion on Chris Tmas.
Hallo stated “No I mean, I just love him so much I feel terrible talking bad about him, but it’s been really hard for me recently. Usually I get so much hype but this year just feels different,” *voice breaks*, “Usually everyone starts preparing for Halloween in August, but this year all they- all they care about is Chris. I mean, did you see the costumes last year? I’ve never seen such little effort put into these outfits. ” Despite Hallo’s love for Chris, it has put a dent in their friendship. “It’s just not fair! How could he? He sells his trees and lights and trinkets, taking away from my sales, my glory. Candy corn is obviously better than candy canes, yet everyone conveniently forgets that fact.”
Han Ukkah, though sympathetic, has been arguably the most impacted by Long-Christmas.
“Okay listen, me and Chris are actually pretty close. And I love him and he’s such a great friend to me. But at some point enough is enough. My holiday shares December with Chris, and it’s just really hard. I barely get a shelf at stores, and Christmas merchandise is being sold in September. I’m not a jealous person, but Chris just gets so much. My holiday is literally longer than his, why does he get a longer celebration? It just feels like sometimes he is after the recognition and forgets that I matter too. But I really do love him and hate talking bad about him.”
Christmas celebrators, keep being joyful and celebrating. But please keep in mind, there are other holidays who deserve our love and attention. Han, Thanks, Rosh, Yom and Hallo, we stand with you.
