*This article is satire.

We have all experienced it, the daily, cramped and aggressive high school hallway that almost all high schoolers can relate to. But here at Berkley High School we take that experience to the next level. Some schools may just have annoyingly cramped halls during passing time, while this can be true for BHS, BHS’s hallways can sometimes become a center for chaos and confusion. Thus, I’ve decided to document one such day in these halls.
To spare you from going through a full day in these chaotic halls I’ve decided to pick the best moment that depicts our hallways’ confusing atmosphere, between lunch and 5th hour. On this particular day I was hoping to have a pretty uneventful day. However, I realized that this was not going to end up being the case. As soon as I finished my lunch and headed for fifth period math, the chaotic antics of my fellow bears began. First, a full blown snowball fight takes place right in front of me! To be fair, I’m not against snowball fights, except when they’re inside during passing time! All of the sudden someone yells “duck!”. I jumped down just in time to miss some freckled kid throwing two successive snowballs at the girl to my right. This event alone would have been a sufficient amount of hallway chaos to excite my day, but of course, Berkley’s chaotic halls were not done with me yet. Just when I thought my passing time experience could not get any crazier, I encountered my first Berkley High ninja. Apparently, someone watched too many episodes of teenage mutant ninja turtles as a kid because here was this teenage boy, wearing a makeshift ninja covering over his k-95 mask, and a dark shirt and jeans. The recipient of his martial antics was the similarly dressed boy behind me.
Now, I’m going to have to hit the pause button on this factual narrative, and reflect on the fact that while i’m sure many people have encountered fist fights and other physical confrontations, it’s my opinion that a ninja duel in the middle of passing time is something only BHS could produce.
Anyways, getting back into the story, I prepared for this ninja kid to do some kind of jiu jitsu move or something, but instead, he yelled some incomprehensible noise that sounded like he was trying to say hiyaa but puberty just would not let him. I would have felt bad for him if he wasn’t throwing a karate chop at my head! I suddenly did a stop drop and roll, that would make any grade school gymnastics teacher proud.
Out of habit as well as desperation I looked at the overhead clock to see when class started. To my surprise and dismay, I still had two full minutes of passing time. Halfway to my math class I stopped to take a breather. However, just at that moment the laggers who were rushing to their classes at the last minute came running in, destroying any chance of a second of peace. Sighing heavily I headed into the mesh of bodies all of us trying desperately to get to our classes on time and in one piece. I weaved and ducked as bodies on top of bodies were pushing and shoving all wanting to make it to their class on time. Finally I saw my class, and for the first time I sprinted down the hall like I was Usain Bolt. When I made it to my seat in the front of the classroom I gave a loud whoop of joy. Finally the bell began to ring and not for the first time I marveled aloud, has it really only been five minutes? To all of my fellow Berkley bears I give my deepest sympathies to anyone who has had a similar hall experience, as we can only hope that one day the beast that is our chaotic hallway will one day be tamed.