*The following article is satirical.
The Diary of John Dreamer
May 27, 2023
We are officially twelve weeks out from the Woodward Dream Cruise. My wife and I got in a fight today because I spent $400 on a custom pop-up canopy from Dick’s Sporting Goods. I wish she understood that 36 hours is a lot of time to spend on the side of the road. I need to make sure I don’t get a farmer’s tan from being outside all day. I also need enough room for my grill, six lawn chairs, my mini fridge, and my portable flat screen TV. Ugh, I better get a spot outside the Potbelly’s and Starbucks. I should probably get there the Tuesday six weeks before the Dream Cruise.
Until next time, John Dreamer
June 3, 2023
My wife and I got into another fight. I didn’t feed the kids dinner yesterday and in her words “spent more quality time with that dumb car than with our own children”. I’m really starting to think she doesn’t understand what a Venturi 400 GT is. Ugh I have so much to do; I better go.
To Do List:
Buy multi-viscosity engine oil
Bleed and replace brake fluid
Diagnose, gap, and replace spark plugs
Replace accessory belts
Change HiLow WRXs to E85 fuel
June 13, 2023
I requested time off from work today and my boss said given the workload this time of year, he isn’t sure if it’s possible. This is ridiculous. I put my heart and soul into this company, but when I want two weeks off for the Dream Cruise, it’s too much to ask. I’m so tired of people undermining the Dream Cruise as if it’s just some low maintenance hobby.
Frustrated and overwhelmed, John Dreamer
August 5, 2023
Two weeks away, and boy, summer has been going by so slowly waiting for the WDC. I’ve been so busy lately. I put up the canopy today which took forever, then I had to go to the police station because they said I need a permit to set up this early??? Do they even know how the Dream Cruise works? I’ve been practicing going long periods of time without going to the bathroom, that way I don’t miss a single car. So far, I’ve been having trouble and can only go 11 hours without peeing, but I bought an at-home catheter kit on Amazon, so hopefully that works out.
August 19, 2023
The day is here. I asked my wife to bring me my 1997 Dream Cruise t-shirt from my drawer at home but she brought the 2004 one instead. She said they all look the exact same but they literally don’t, one literally has a cherry red 1948 Ford F1 and the other has a maroon 1960 Chevy Impala. God she can’t do anything right.
Next time I write I will be a totally different person.
Later, John Dreamer
August 20, 2023
God, yesterday was a blur. I woke up this morning in a makeshift bed of folded lawn chairs and WDC t-shirts. Thank goodness I woke up when I did because I was just inches away from falling onto Woodward. I lost my “REV it if you’re a real man” poster and I’m actually really annoyed because that took a long time to make. My ears are still ringing from the rev of the 887-hp plug-in-hybrid Porsche 918 Spyder. Too bad I only got to see it for half a minute before that stupid 2004 Honda Civic got in the way. Don’t people know that you’re not supposed to drive on Woodward unless you have a decently cool car?? My Pit Viper sunglasses left such bad tan lines on my face. Oh well, at least I got to see that sick GT3 RS. I can’t get the rims out of my mind. Man, I love cars.
Peace out, John Dreamer
December 4, 2023
I was talking to my wife and daughter today and they said they have no clue what I’m talking about when I told them about that insane Ferrari we saw. How can they not remember seeing the SF90 Stradle get up to 60 mph in 2.1 seconds. It’s so frustrating when people don’t understand and support me in my passions.
Facebook Post
December 27th, 2023
User: Need4Speed
Hey ya’ll. Does anyone have a pic of the 1702 Porsche ABCDEFG123 from the 2023 WDC??? Can’t find mine and would really love to see that beauty again. Already thinking about next year. Until then, later Woodward dreamers.
